Kalamazoo College's Student Newspaper
By Emily Pizza, Staff Writer
TV cameras swarmed main street last Tuesday as Kalamazoo College students rallied against recent government action to kill off creatures that are believed to be Zombies.
Students chanted and blocking traffic, waving picket sings that read “Zombies are People Too!” Others chained themselves to storefronts.
After a strange virus thought to be from contaminated milk created zombie-like creatures, K students, strong believers of social justice, went to action.
“It’s horrible what they’re doing to these creatures,” junior Sara Nykes said. “They’re only attacking us because they’re hungry; I’m sure if we try and reason with them instead of shooting them we can reach some sort of consensus!”
The rally was guarded by government officials, who were shooting off zombies as they tried to approach the students, causing widespread anger across the group. Some tried to fight their way past the police but the opposition was too strong.
“They’re insane!” He said, pushing a student behind the barricades. “Do they not realize that these creatures aren’t intelligent? They want to eat us!”
Students, on the other hand, were upset about police assumptions, as well as the assumptions of most of the population.
“it’s not fair!” Senior Bryan Door, president of the recently formed Save The Zombies group, said. “People are too caught up in their ways to try and explore the new reality that has been given to us.”
Door’s group, composed of approximately thirty K students, are following the attacks on Zombies and intend on creating equal rights for them. They have filled out petitions, called senators, and done rallies such as this one.
So far, their attempts have been unsuccessful.
The group continued to try and walk out towards the zombies but government and army officers held them back. Kalamazoo Police Chief Malcolm Pear was confused about these student motives.
When asked for a comment, one Zombie kept repeating the word” brains”. Many students believed this was an attempt to communicate that the zombies were intelligent beings.
The rally eventually dispersed after a stray gunshot clipped a camera man, but Door plans on creating more rallies like this one.
“We’re not done yet. “ He said. “We won’t be done until every Zombie has the same human rights as we do. If I’ve learned anything at K it’s that I need to stand up for everyone, even those who may be a danger to the human race.”